The
World Gaming Championshipâ
2004
NEW
YORK CITY
Congratulations gamers! You’ll soon be battling for the most coveted trophy in all the land of drunken, slovenly Man-Boys harboring the urge to drive their closest friends before them in humiliating defeat. This official program outlines all of the logistical information surrounding the games so that you, the gamer, can focus on what’s important – drinking and gaming! Rest assured that locations have been scouted, permits obtained, police bribed, hookers hired and booze procured by the WGC governing body, the WGCC (Wolrd Gaming Championship Committeeâ).
Display this program in a prominent place at your office to make coworkers jealous, and always carry a copy on your person lest you forget the rules, or which games will be played, and where.
Lastly, and this cannot be stressed enough, show up with your liver in shape. You can practice bowling all you like, but your ability to game while under the influence is critical to success. Take it from Mike Mooney, member of the two-time defending WGC Champion team SHO’NUFF!!:
“It’s extremely important that a gamer be able to put away a few cocktails while playing shuffleboard at 9 in the morning after staying up to 5 a.m. the previous night kicking ass at ‘gammon. Not only that, he has to play well! Sure, I may not be able to walk a straight line sober, but I can still bowl a 140 blind drunk at 3 in the afternoon. Sho’nuff!!”
First things first. Below is the address where all gamers will lodge during competition. You are strongly urged to cut this out and attach it to your person before gaming commences. New York is a big city, and we would hate to see a good gamer lost. Also, for your convenience we have provided you with commands in various dialects that you may find useful when directing a cab driver to the WGC Village. (Money is not included. It behooves you to always carry a crisp $20 in your show for this purpose. Do not use this money, even for shots.)
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79 Woodhull St
Apt. 2
Brooklyn NY 11231
(917) 573-5656
“Sir, please take me to 2nd Place and Henry in Carroll Gardens.”
“Por favor, Segundo y Henry a Jardines de Carroll.”
“Ahelm a nyad de hizm asach mych de dol e Henry l Carroll Gardens.”
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This is an exciting year. Up until now there have only been two teams of two. Expansion was imminent with The Games’ popularity, and we’re looking to branch out globally over the next five years.
Sho’Nuff!!* – Mike Mooney (Columbus, OH) & Shannon Wilkinson
(Brooklyn, NY)
West Coast Thunderpussy – Neil Butler (Seattle, WA) &
Brian Binge (Breckenridge, CO)
The Fuck Yeahs!! - Giles Roblyer (Annapolis, MD) &
Dave Bouman (B.A., Argentina)
Rumspringer** – Giles Roblyer (Annapolis, MD) &
Adam Kline (Chicago, IL)
*Two-Time Reigning WGC Champions
**Disbanded Due to Ass-Whooping Related
Low Morale
Gaming commences when all gamers are present, probably around 6 P.M. Most of the rules will be hammered out by then, but some voting and general smack talking will have to occur over some preliminary beers. There are only three games on this night, but the competitions are sure to last until early morning.
Park Slope Billiards
550 5th Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11209
Ph: 718-788-3645
http://www.parkslopebilliards.com/
Good joint. Close to Home Base, where
the rest of the evening’s gaming will take place, and many, many cool bars.
alternate:
Brownstone Billiards
308 Flatbush Avenue
Brooklyn, NY - 11238
Ph:718-857-5555
WGC Village
My apartment, heretofore referred to as
“The Village,” is a large one bedroom with
a very loud stereo, one television and a spacious deck. Construction is
underway. We may not be able to get to both of these done in one night. No
matter, The Village is open 24 hours a day, so we can take care of these at any
time.
Saturday represents a unique challenge this year. NYC has only two shuffleboard tables that I know of, and as there are several thousand wannabe gamers in the city, we’re going to have to get an early start. This means marking our territory early. Bowling is always best during the day because weekend nights are chaos, and bowling after a day of drinking and gaming is really embarrassing.
Nancy Whiskey Pub
1 Lispenard St
New York, NY10013-2208
Phone: (212) 226-9943
http://www.nancywhiskeypub.com/
Alternate:
Plug Uglies
257 3rd Avenue
New York, NY 10010
Telephone: 212-780-1944
The table here is really
poor and the crowd is even worse. Let’s hope we don’t have to game here.
Leisure Time Bowl
625 8th Avenue, 2. floor,
Port Authority
New York, NY10018
Phone: (212) 268-6909
Leisure time bowl is under the Port
Authority bus terminal in Midtown. It’s ghetto. The lanes are of the classic
ilk, circa 1977, and there is a great lounge with vinyl booths and cheap, stiff
mixed drinks. Don’t be surprised if you see that toothless, white-haired guy
from “Barfly” there.
Alternates:
Bowlmor Lanes
110 University Pl
New York, NY10003
Cross Street: Between 12th
Street and 13th Street
Phone: (212) 255-8188
Fax: (212) 352-1150
Bowlmor is a good alternate
in that it is located in the heart of the Village and has hot waitresses
bringing beer and food to your lane. (This summer I watched as John Holter
nearly persuaded our waitress to go home with him late one Monday evening. I
found out the next day that he didn’t really know where home was, as he ended
up taking a cab back to Ryan Miller’s apartment – two blocks away.) It’s
downside is that it is trendy and expensive and generally not in keeping with
the spirit of the games.
Melody Lanes
461 37th St
Brooklyn, NY11232
Cross Street: 5th Ave
Phone: (718) 832-2695
Not part of this year’s events, but rest assured most venues will have a Buck Hunter where we can game between gaming.
The
World Gaming Championship Rules of Play
You gotta have them, otherwise there
are disagreements, especially when the person you’re gaming against is a
fucking liar like the time I (Gunnar) was in Iceland and surfed that inflatable
raft across the pool and touched the top of Binge’s (Egil’s) head and he
decided that that wasn’t really our bet and so we took it to the Law Rock and
Neil (Njal) found that he (Neil) was too fucking drunk to make the right
decision and so I didn’t get a free day in Iceland on Binge (Asshole) and had
to buy all of my own Black Death and delicious Icelandic hotdogs. And that’s
why we have rules.
1. The World Gaming Championship (WGC)
is held each year in a different location; the reigning champions have first
rights in this matter, and may choose to host it in one of their hometowns;
however, in the interest of good sportsmanship it should be a location
convenient to all gamers.
2. The WGC is always comprised of teams
of two. Choose wisely, as your partner will remain shackled to you, for better
or for worse, for the duration of your participation in the WGC. Your team must
have a name, however it is not necessary that it have one prior to the beginning
of the games. The best names arise in the midst of heated WGC competition.
3. The WGC consists of five gaming
categories:
a tiebreaking event must be selected by
the host prior to the start of competition.
The games may be played in any order, usually at the discretion of the
host, who knows where to find the gaming venues (sometimes called “bars”). The games may be played in one day or over
the course of several days. The addition
or substitution of any new game requires the majority vote of the four founding
members of the WGC (Giles Roblyer, Mike Mooney, Shannon Wilkinson and Adam
Kline).
4. There is no limit to the number of
teams competing, but at least one member must have been a Kenyon Delt, unless a
special exemption is granted by unanimous vote of all WGC gamers.
5. Side bets are encouraged. T-shirts,
free meals, shots – put your pride AND your money on the line. It is the way of
the WGC.
6. The prize for the WGC is eternal
glory and the WGC Cup. The WGC Cup
represents the physical embodiment of the three core values of the WGC:
sportsmanship, skill and fraternity. The
winning team may keep the Cup until the next year’s competition, and it is
their duty to have their names engraved for all time on the WGC Cup. The Cup may also be displayed at weddings,
bachelor weekends and any other Delt events for the purpose of generating
interest in, and respect for, the World Gaming Championships. The winning team is responsible for bringing
the Cup to the next year’s WGC.
7. The rules of competition for the six
events and tiebreaker must be decided prior to the start of competition to
avoid drunken arguing. Each team is
responsible for filling out an official scorecard as the games progress. This will prevent arguing during multi-day
competitions about what happened the day before in a drunken haze. Both teams fill out the scorecards so that if
one is lost, the other likely will be saved.
As an example of how gaming is carried
out, and, most importantly, how the winners are determined, below are the rules
for WGC Chicago ‘03:
Backgammon: Opposing team members play
3 games against each opposing team members (i.e. Kline plays Mooney, Shannon
plays Giles and then Mooney plays Giles and Kline plays Shannon). A win is worth one point. The highest number of combined team points at
the end of 12 games determines the winner.
In the event of a tie, one player from each team will play a best of 3
series to determine the champion. No
doubling. Matching rolls of two dice and
four dice at the end of each game ARE permitted as per everyday Delt play.
Billiards: 3 games of 8-ball played
according to the 1997 Standardized World Rules
(departments.weber.edu/wildcatlanes/billiards/rules/eight_ball_rules.htm). In the event of a rules disagreement, defer
first to a copy of the rules if available at the pool hall and second to the
general pool hall practices.
Bowling: Each competitor bowls three
games. The scores of teammates are
combined and highest combined score wins.
No warm-up games are permitted.
Euchre: Best of 3 matches played
according to standard Delt rules. No
table talk.
Shuffleboard: Best of 3 games. Play is to 15. Four practice throws per person.
Video Games: The video
game is to be selected by the host because he has knowledge of what games are
available at the local arcade (Note to Kline: Mooney is deadly at Pac-Man
variants). Ideally, the video game has
two players going at once and records both their scores. Highest combined score wins. There will be one practice game permitted for
each team (to discover if the scoring system of the game is appropriate.)
Tiebreaker: I believe Kline has
selected the mechanical bull. I’m not
sure how this one would work. I
personally am praying this thing doesn’t go to a tie as I fear the bull.
The rules for this years event will be drafted once all teams are finally locked in, and probably not until everyone is together in a bar tipping some pre-gaming libations.
WGC New York 2004 Rules
Gentlemen, much gaming lies ahead of
us. These rules are meant as a guide to
help smooth the gaming process, eliminate time-wasting drunken arguments and
endless pre-gaming discussions, and provide a framework for the kind of fair
play and sportsmanship that the WGC has come to embody in civilized nations
around the world. With these rules in
hand, we may leap immediately into the gaming.
Once the rules have been approved by
all humble hopefuls for the WGC Cup, they are as binding as marriage vows,
blood oaths, and secret pacts. Each
gamer is expected to uphold the sanctity of the games, for without the utmost
honesty and fairness of its competitors, the WGC could not exist. Game hard, drink hard, but don’t cheat
(hereafter referred to as “The Binge Clause”).
Overall
Scoring
First place is worth 2 points. Second place is worth 1 point. Last place is worth 0 points. The team with
the highest combined score at the end of all events is declared the WGC 2004
Champion and will receive eternal glory and the right to drink a deep draught
of victory from the World Gaming Championship Cup. The team with the second highest combined
score will regret forever the few precious points separating them from victory,
but can at least feel good that they competed.
The last place team will wonder if they might be better off taking a
knitting course at the Yarn Barn during next year’s competition.
In the event of a tie, a tiebreaking
event will be played between the tied teams. This event is at the discretion of
Team Sho’Nuff.
Backgammon
Each gamer plays all the gamers on the
other teams. Three boards will be used to maximize time. No gammons or
doubling. In all rounds, rolling two
dice to match and four for Yahtzee at the end of the game is required and accepted as a criteria for winning, per
longstanding Delt convention.
Round One
Binge v. Shannon
Butman v. Bo
Moon v. Goatboy
Round Two
Shannon v. Goatboy
Bo v. Binge
Moon v. Butman
Round Three
Goatboy v. Binge
Moon v. Bo
Shannon v. Butman
Round Four
Butman v. Goatboy
Binge v. Moon
Shannon v. Bo
A win is worth one point. Teams combine
their scores. The highest score wins.
In the event of a tie between two
teams, one member from each team plays a single championship game.
In the unlikely event of a three-way tie,
Round One is repeated, with all
gamers gaming. If no team emerges with 2 points, we will continue to a repeat
of Round Two. The rounds will continue in this fashion
until one team emerges with 2 points.
Billiards
The game is 8-ball played according to
the 1997 Standardized World Rules
(departments.weber.edu/wildcatlanes/billiards/rules/eight_ball_rules.htm). In the event of a rules disagreement, defer
first to a copy of the rules if available at the pool hall and second to the
general pool hall practices. When a team
is not on the Official WGC Table, it’s members may play against each other on
an adjacent table.
Each team plays three games against the
other teams in this order:
Sho’Nuff v. Fuck Yeah
Fuck Yeah v. West Coast
West Coast v. Sho’Nuff
(Repeat order until each team has
played the others three times)
Each game won is worth one point. The highest combined score wins.
If two teams are tied, they will play a
single game to determine first and second place.
In the unlikely event of a three-way
tie, two teams will play one game, with the winner meeting the third team for
the title. The order will be determined
by one member from each team simultaneously striking a ball down the table, off
the far bumper, and on its return, the closest to the bumper without touching
wins a first-round bye.
Bowling
Each gamer bowls three games. The
scores of team members are combined.
Highest combined score wins. No
warm-up rolls. Two adjacent lanes will
be procured, with teams split on the two lanes to account for any differences
in the lanes.
In the unlikely event of a tie, one
member from each team in the tie will bowl in a sudden-death match. The first to get a strike unmatched by
strikes from the other team(s) will win.
If both or all three gamers strike in a given frame, the match will
continue until one gamer has a strike in the frame and the others do not. Order of bowling in tiebreaker to be decided
by Rock-Scissors-Paper.
Euchre
Each team plays the other teams once
according to standard Delt rules. Remember the importance of The Binge Clause
(no stacking the deck, no table talk, etc.).
Sho’nuff v. West Coast
West Coast v. Fuck Yeah
Fuck Yeah v. West Coast
A win is worth one point. In the event of a tie, the two teams will
play each other for the championship.
In the unlikely event of a three-way
tie, the number of points scored by each team in their two games will be added
up, and the two teams who scored the most points in their two games advance to
a championship game.
Shuffleboard
Play is to 15 points. Pucks must be
fully over the scoring line to count as the higher score. A hanging puck is
worth 4 points. Each team is permitted
four warm-up slides per game (two per gamer).
Teams rotate ends each game. Each team plays the other twice in the
following order:
West Coast v. Fuck Yeah
Fuck Yeah v. Sho’nuff
Sho’nuff v. West Coast
West Coast v. Fuck Yeah
Fuck Yeah v. Sho’nuff
Sho’nuff v. West Coast
If two teams are tied, they will play a
single game against each other to determine first and second place.
In the unlikely event
of a three-way tie, two teams will play one game, with the winner meeting the
third team for the championship. The
order will be determined by one gamer from each team sliding one puck for a score.
His puck will then be cleared. The next two gamers will then repeat this
process. If the scores are tied at the end of one such round, the rounds will
continue until one player ends the round with a higher score. This team will
earn the bye and the other two teams must play each other to 15 for the right
to play the final team.
This document is
under revision. Updates will be sent out as necessary. Please forward any
questions or comments to shannonwilkinson@hotmail.com.